


The Winding Road

by elem (elem44)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-16
Updated: 2013-11-16
Packaged: 2018-08-16 14:35:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8106094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elem44/pseuds/elem
Summary: A post Endgame story set a few months after their arrival in the AQ. Kathryn, fresh from debriefings, visits Chakotay and several wrongs are set to rights.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Audabee for the read through but as always, I’ve fiddled with it so any mistakes are mine.

Kathryn paused at the gate and took a moment to survey his house. It wasn’t quite what she’d expected.

Set back from the road on the high side of the hill, its gabled roof and stained glass windows lent it an easy charm. The tumble of cottage garden softened the outline of the sturdy structure and Kathryn smiled as her hand trailed idly over the fragrant flowers and shrubs as she followed the path through the garden to the front door.

Surrounded by the heady scents of jasmine and lavender, she climbed the ancient stone steps. A smooth depression was scoured in each rise, evidence of the thousands of feet that had climbed these stairs over the centuries. She felt a sense of connection with those long ago visitors, some of whom had perhaps trod this path on an errand such as hers.

Standing at the top of the stairs, she took a moment to get her bearings. The house was old; built five or maybe six hundred years ago but still standing – solid and strong – a testament to the techniques of the time and the many caring owners it had harboured over the years.

The painted timbers of the portico complimented the ancient stonework and unable to help herself, Kathryn ran her hand along the fretting sandstone. It left a fine smudge of dust on her fingertips – a small part of this place already attaching itself to her.

She cast a glance over her shoulder at the path she’d taken before turning back to the front door. It too had a personality all of its own. Made of heavy oak with a abstract pattern of roses in stained glass adorning the central pane and a tarnished brass lion’s head doorknocker fixed at eye level, glaring at her. It appeared to be almost daring her to pick up the bit between its teeth and tap the striker.

She smiled and silently admonished herself for her fanciful thoughts.

She wasn’t quite sure why today of all days she’d found herself at his front door. Voyager had been back on Earth for almost three months and, aside from several ‘beam-in, beam-out’ visits to Indiana, today was the first time she’d ventured further than the gardens in and around Starfleet headquarters. Her debriefings had taken considerably longer than the rest of the crew’s. Her official release had only been gazetted two days before and she’d spent her newly acquired freedom simply sitting, coffee in hand, contemplating the world outside from her Starfleet apartment window not entirely sure what to do with herself now that the official portion of her homecoming was at an end. The monotonous structure of each day of debriefings had a sort of numbing effect and with that strict structure suddenly missing from her life, she’d taken a day or two to acclimatise.

Reluctant to spend another day pondering her nebulous future, this morning she’d made the decision to venture farther afield and reacquaint herself with San Francisco and this old/new post-Voyager world. She hadn’t really meant to land on his doorstep but after finally breaching the boundaries of her appointed residence, her need to see Chakotay had overridden all other thoughts and her trajectory was set.

However, now that she was here, she was having doubts.

Eyes fixed on the frowning lion doorknocker, her brow creased in concern and she began to question the wisdom of her uncharacteristic impulsiveness. This visit could very well add unwanted complications to her life; ones that she perhaps wasn’t ready to deal with just yet. As uninspiring as her Alpha Quadrant life might be, it was relatively straightforward and unencumbered. She grimaced at the nature of that admission but they were the only words she could think of that came anywhere near describing her current situation. The defeatist tone, however, made her cringe. The days since the end of her debriefings had been quiet and trouble free but the deep-seated rumble of dissatisfaction was difficult to ignore. Something significant was missing from her life and it didn’t take a genius to figure out what that was.

But the constant inner debate over whether or not she was expecting too much of this new life, had evolved into a sort of physical and mental inertia. Up until now, all her energies had been focussed on her testimony and whether or not to accept her new appointment to the Admiralty. There were other emotions and internal machinations at play as well but primarily, her fear was that by wanting more she would appear ungrateful for what she already had.

Because she really did have so much.

She was home and her crew was safe. Her prayers had been answered – granted, no less, by a grisly and rather intimidating version of her future self – but all in all, she should have been happy with her lot. As much as she might dream of a happy life with Chakotay as well, it was difficult to shake the feeling that she was being greedy to want for more.

She silently chided herself; she’d spent far too many years over-thinking her actions and tying herself in knots over thoughts of should-bes, maybes and might-have-beens. It was time to simply trust her instincts.

And this was where those instincts had led her – to Chakotay’s door.

Now she needed to step out from behind the long-standing barriers of protocol and command, and brave the exposure. If nothing else, she owed it to herself and Chakotay to be honest about her feelings and even if their relationship evolved no further than friendship, at least he’d know the truth.

She huffed derisively; it never ceased to amaze her that for someone renowned for being so courageous and undaunted in the face of danger, she was a complete coward when it came to matters of the heart. However, it was time to show some fortitude and get on with it. After a mental shake, she took a deep breath and lifting the frowning lion’s striker, knocked on the front door.

Almost immediately, she could hear the sound of footsteps approaching and as she listened, she breathed a silent sigh of relief. It was Chakotay’s familiar tread, and their rhythm triggered within her a deep sense of nostalgia and longing. For a split second, she toyed with the idea of throwing herself into his arms the instant the door opened but dismissed the notion almost immediately. This wasn’t one of her sister’s ridiculous romance holonovels; there was far too much emotional ground to cover before she could gauge where today’s visit might lead and what parts she and Chakotay would play in each other’s futures.

If she were truly honest with herself, she was still a little disorientated; after so recently stepping out of the surreal world of debriefings, she was still finding her feet. She hadn’t seen Chakotay in weeks, although they’d spoken via comm. – short, awkward, work related conversations about the ship and crew – but this meeting was a foray into entirely unchartered territory, or at least she hoped so.

She’d missed him, more than she ever could have imagined – more than she probably had a right to – but that didn’t lessen the yearning.

The sound of the latch releasing interrupted her thoughts and she looked up as the door pulled wide.

Chakotay stood there gawping – open mouthed – in surprise.

She smiled. “Hello, Chakotay.”

His response came in a breathless rush. “Kathryn! _Kathryn!_ My God, I wasn’t expecting… You’ve finished debriefings? No one told me… Spirits, it’s so good to see you.” He took a hesitant step forward, his arms raised as if to pull her into a hug, but then he baulked, his hands hovering for a moment before they dropped to his side. She felt a momentary pang of regret but his broad grin softened the blow.

He seemed genuinely pleased to see her and her relief was tangible. Their relationship had been strained during the last weeks aboard Voyager and she hadn’t been sure how this initial meeting would go, but Chakotay’s sincere delight buoyed her spirits.

“I probably should have called first.” She shrugged. “I’m here on a whim.”

He stood staring at her, shaking his head slightly, his face still caught in a stunned but happy smile.

Kathryn’s expression softened in return but when he didn’t move, she nodded towards the interior of the house. “Are you going to invite an old friend in?”

“Huh? Oh…” He laughed and stepped aside. “Sorry, I’m just so pleased and surprised. Come in, come in. You’re the last person I expected to see.”

That particular observation stung a little and ducking her head so he couldn’t see the hurt in her eyes, she shrugged out of her coat.

With her emotions once again under control, she turned back to him and smiled as she handed him her coat only to watch in amusement as he attempted to hang it on the stand by the door. Grinning broadly and with his eyes still glued to her, it took him three tries before it stayed on the hook. Kathryn noted his distraction but didn’t comment; she was still unsure how things stood between them and where Seven fitted into the picture. She could have asked Chakotay or any one of the crew what was happening and whether that relationship had evolved, but it would have entailed explanations as to why she wanted to know and she wasn’t sure she could bear the scrutiny. It was ridiculous, she knew, but some habits were harder to overcome than others.

He hadn’t taken his eyes off her and still smiling happily, he indicated a room just off the entranceway. “This way, it’s warmer in here.”

Her breath caught as she stepped into the living area. “Oh, Chakotay, this is charming.”

The room, although not large was – in her eyes – perfect. It boasted an eclectic mix of antique furnishings and tribal pieces all very much a reflection of their owner and in keeping with the age of the house. There was a large stone fireplace on the far wall, tall sash windows on the right, with curtains pulled back to welcome the morning sun and French doors on the opposite side of the room that opened onto a small leafy courtyard. The room was littered with mementos and objects that Kathryn recognised from his quarters on Voyager.

Seeing them again sent a sharp pang to her middle but she tamped down the sensation and wondered idly if she would ever be able to think of Voyager without the accompanying ache of homesickness. She hoped so.

Turning towards him, she smiled. “You’ve done wonders in the short time you’ve been here.”

“Thank you. I’m very pleased you like it. Would you believe most of my belongings were still in storage and the few things I needed I found in antique markets around the city. It’s comfortable.” He shrugged as he looked around the room. “and as you know, I like to be comfortable.”

Kathryn laughed softly. “It’s very ‘you’.”

He grinned. “Thank you. Can I get you a coffee or tea, perhaps something to eat? Have you had breakfast? I could fix you something…” His words tumbled over one another.

“A coffee would be lovely, thank you. I’ve had breakfast but if I’ve interrupted yours, please go ahead and eat.”

He shook his head. “No, I had mine earlier. We can have lunch a little later.” He was already heading out of the room then caught himself and turned back towards her. “That is, of course, if you’d like to stay?”

Kathryn nodded and added an encouraging smile. “I’d love to. Thank you.”

Chakotay answered with a broad grin before he swung away and exited the room.

Their conversation was slightly stilted but Kathryn wasn’t concerned about that. The connection was still there – she could feel it – it would only be a matter of time before they found their rhythm again.

He called to her from the kitchen. “Do you still have your coffee the same way? You haven’t turned to the dark side and decided to have it with cream and sugar, have you?”

“What?! Contaminate the finest organic substance ever devised. Absolutely not. Black and strong – just like always.”

She could hear his laugh and a sudden sense of warmth suffused her chest. She was waiting for him with a smile as he re-entered the living room.

“Here we are.” Chakotay approached carrying two steaming mugs and, with a nod of his head, indicated an overstuffed sofa chair. “Please, have a seat.”

Kathryn sank into the depths of the chair and laughed. “I might need a hand getting out of here later.”

He huffed a quiet laugh at her predicament. “I can arrange for an emergency beam out if you need it, but I’m sure I can manage to haul you out.”

She laughed. “Just make sure you put my coffee where I can reach it or things could get ugly.”

“You know me better than that.” He placed her cup within easy reach on the small table beside her. “I think that was rule number four – never provoke the captain where coffee was concerned.”

“Rules? There were rules? That’s news to me.”

“ _‘The Captain’s How-to Manual’_ , I think Tom coined it.” Chakotay grinned broadly and winked as he took a seat on the sofa opposite. “A hefty tome for those of us who had to deal with you on a daily basis. Not to mention, a closely guarded secret.”

“Is that so?” Her mouth twisted into a wry smile. “You’ll have to show it to me sometime.”

“One day – of course I’ll have to find it first.”

“There really is one!?” Kathryn looked at him in surprise. “I thought you were joking.”

“Oh, it was no joke. Keeping you happy was no laughing matter. Very serious stuff.”

“You’re pulling my leg.”

“Only tugging it slightly. Let’s just say they were unwritten rules. Your coffee obsession, however, was renowned, so no one had to be reminded of that.”

“Obsession? That’s a bit extreme don’t you think?”

“Oh no. Obsession – definitely. That was the Doctor’s definition. According to him, you had an unhealthy attachment to coffee and caffeinated products that was – to his mind – ‘a little disturbing’.”

“I would have decompiled his program if I’d known he was talking out of school.”

Sipping his tea and watching her over the rim of his cup, Chakotay chuckled quietly. “Which is why no one ever mentioned it and the Doctor was sworn to secrecy.”

“You were a bunch of conniving conspirators.”

“Depends on your perspective. It was actually very bonding for the crew. Your caffeine addiction was one of the first things that the Maquis and ‘Fleeters agreed upon. It became apparent very early in the journey that maintaining an adequate coffee intake for the captain was imperative for a happy ship. After the first few times your rations ran low, the crew organised a ration ‘slush fund’ to compensate. You didn’t know?”

“I had no idea. I thought _you_ were sacrificing your rations for my sanity. It was the crew?! I don’t know what to say.”

“A ‘thank you’ should cover it – next time you see them. They’ll be thrilled to know that they were able to keep you in the dark for so long.”

Kathryn swallowed, momentarily overcome. “I wish I’d known. I would have thanked them from the bottom of my heart before putting them all on report.” She laughed but it died quickly and she was quiet for a long moment. “I miss them.” Her voice hitched slightly and she turned her head away.

Chakotay leaned forward and touched her hand. “I know. I’m sure we all miss each other. Have you seen many of the crew since you finished at Headquarters?”

“A few, but it’s not the same. It’s not Voyager.” Kathryn huffed and then gave another mirthless laugh. “Can you believe I’m saying this?”

Chuckling quietly, Chakotay shook his head. “No, not really but I suppose we shouldn’t be surprised. For seven years, the ship and crew were our world. The separation is bound to cause some heartache. We were as close as family, some of us even closer.”

His eyes met hers and Kathryn had trouble tearing her gaze away. If she weren’t so uncertain of his current circumstances, she could have sworn that the look meant something else entirely but the fact remained that as far as she knew, he and Seven were still together, so she looked past him and out the window beyond.

“You have a lovely view.”

Chakotay’s brow furrowed at the abrupt change of topic before he turned and followed her gaze. “It’s not bad, is it? I would have preferred not to live in the city, but because it’s easier for work, this was a perfect compromise. Where are you living now?”

“I’m still at headquarters. After being sequestered there for so long, I can’t seem to get myself motivated to get out there and look. My mother sold my old house, so I have to start from scratch. It’s a little daunting. Know any good real estate brokers?”

“I’ll give you the name of mine, if you like. She was always available and very helpful.”

Kathryn almost snorted. “I’m sure she was.”

He merely quirked an eyebrow at her implied meaning, and then shrugged as he patted his middle. “I wish it were true but I feel my ‘charms’ have waned somewhat over the years.”

“ _Waned charms?_ Ouch!” She gave him slightly mocking look. “Sounds uncomfortable.”

He nodded sagely. “You can only imagine.”

A moment later, they both laughed and Chakotay leaned forward again. “I’ve missed this. It’s so good to see you, Kathryn.”

Before she could stop herself, she blurted. “How’s Seven?”

He frowned and looked at her strangely. His answer was an almost question. “Fine.”

“Is she here?”

“No. And she never has been; although people keep asking me about her.”

“Did it occur to you that perhaps there might be a reason?”

“Other than the fact that they’re all space happy, yes, it did and it took me weeks to get a straight answer from anyone. B’Elanna kept shaking her head and giving me looks that would melt duranium, Harry just looked miserable and I could barely get a civil word out of the Doctor.”

“Seven’s not here?”

“No. She’s with her aunt in Sweden and has been since we got home.”

“But you were dating her on Voyager?”

“Dating? No. We had a couple of meals together. She was practicing her socialising skills. After the Doctor’s ‘deathbed’ declaration, she didn’t feel comfortable with him anymore. I certainly could understand why. He put her in a terrible position; she was hurt and embarrassed by his admission.”

Kathryn frowned. “She didn’t say anything to me about it.”

He shrugged. “You were preoccupied and everyone thought it was something of a joke but she felt betrayed. He’d been her confidant almost from the moment of her arrival. They still haven’t sorted it out yet.”

“So like any teenager, she transferred her affections to you.”

“I suppose so. She was also embellishing our ‘dates’ with holodeck scenarios and it all became very confused. She got herself in something of a tangle for a while and I later found out that it had happened once before, however, the Doctor in his wisdom had not reported the incident but she seems to be finding her feet now.

“I’ve been so out of touch with everyone. I should have been there for her.”

“She has to eventually learn to stand on her own two feet and it’s not as though she’s alone. Her family have been supportive and I think it’s done her good to stretch herself a little within the safe confines of a family who love and protect her. Harry has been in contact with her and says she’s doing okay.”

“I’m glad. I’ll send her a message to let her know that I’m finished my debriefings and leave it up to her to contact me.”

Chakotay nodded. “I think that’s a great idea.”

Kathryn frowned. “As for the Doctor and his antics…”

Chakotay shrugged. “I suppose he’s still learning too but I’ve always found the concept of him as a social etiquette teacher something of an oxymoron – a case of the blind leading the ridiculous.” He leaned forward again. “I was never dating Seven but I know that the Admiral assumed that we were.”

“She told you?”

“No, Seven told me what the Admiral told her and that in the other timeline we married. In light of that revelation, Seven wondered if we should formalise our relationship. I told her that it wasn’t necessary and that because of the Admiral’s arrival, the timeline had been disrupted and wouldn’t necessarily follow the same path.”

“God, I’m so out of the loop. Is she all right?”

He shrugged again. “She was a little lost; it’s been a big change but as I said, she’s coping. She’s misses you though.”

“I feel like an idiot.”

“Good.”

“Oh, thank you.”

“Did you really think that I’d date Seven? She’s barely out of her teens.”

“She’s a little older than that and you wouldn’t be the first middle aged man to venture down the road of dating a much younger woman.”

“Middle aged?!” He feigned distress.

Kathryn quirked an eyebrow, entirely unimpressed and countered with, “And she _was_ blonde.”

He looked at her, stunned. “ _She was blonde?!_ That’s why everyone believed the rumour?!”

“Well, you’ve shown something of a propensity for blondes over the years. Sveta, Riley, Kellin.”

“How do you know about Kellin?”

Kathryn gave him a candid look . “You’re not the only one who can replicate a pen and paper. I used to keep some of my personal logs in that manner – especially the ones that I wanted to keep private. Surely you remember after we first met the Borg and Species 8472?”

He snorted softly. “How could I forget?” After taking a sip of tea, he placed his cup on the table. “And just for the record, I don’t have a thing for blondes.”

“If you say so; it’s hardly a crime.”

“Obviously it is in some people’s eyes.”

“Not mine.”

“So you’d be happy for me to date Seven?”

Kathryn tried to laugh off the tease. “I didn’t say that!”

“So you’d be unhappy?”

“I didn’t say that either but I’d prefer that you didn’t… for her sake as well as yours.”

“Always with Seven’s best interests at heart, huh?”

“She _was_ my responsibility but that’s not what I meant.”

Chakotay grinned and leaned forward. “Ahhh, now we’re getting to the crux of the matter. So, what did you mean?”

Kathryn took a slow and deliberate sip of her coffee but held his gaze without flinching. This was the perfect opportunity to say something, or at least hint at her feelings but at the last second, she baulked. “To be honest, I’m not sure.”

He sat back again and gave her a challenging look. “That doesn’t sound like the Kathryn Janeway I know.”

“Well, maybe you don’t know her as well as you think you do. There’s more to her than the moniker of captain.”

“Speaking about yourself in the third person is a little suspect but overlooking that, I think I know you pretty well. However, I’m more than willing to plumb any hidden depths.”

Kathryn blinked slowly and tried to hide her smile. “Now that sounds downright uncomfortable.”

His brow creased as he rewound the conversation in his mind before he laughed aloud. “It does, doesn’t it? Sorry but I do want to get acquainted with this earthbound Kathryn Janeway.”

Kathryn shrugged. “She isn’t all that different from the one you already know but hopefully a little more relaxed and less neurotic.”

“You were hardly neurotic…” His eyes sparkled when they met hers. “… except that one time when…”

“I beg your pardon?!”

Chakotay laughed. “I’m joking. We’re obviously still getting a handle on that relaxing business aren’t we?”

Attempting a glare, Kathryn gave up, her mouth softening into a smile as she nodded. “Yes, I have some way to go yet.”

“Don’t worry it’ll come to you. It just takes time. I’ll be sure to let you know when we’ve found the old you.”

She gave him a nod and lifted her cup in a toast. “I’d appreciate it.”

The conversation petered out and Kathryn sipped her coffee trying to think of something to say. Chakotay beat her to it.

“Why did you come here today, Kathryn?”

It was time to be honest about that at least. “To see you.”

He merely raised an eyebrow and waited for her to elaborate.

Kathryn tried to articulate her feelings without giving too much away – an old habits were hard to break. “Put simply, I’ve missed you and I wanted to see you. I’ve been holed-up in my apartment since the end of debriefings, waiting for something to happen that would give me an idea of what I’m supposed to do with my life now that Voyager’s mission is over.” She shrugged. “But nothing came to me. Over the years I’d invested all my energies into the effort of getting home to the exclusion of almost everything else and, to be honest, I’m at a bit of a loss now that it’s over.” She took a deep breath and admitted. “However, I realised I couldn’t just sit and wait for life to come to me; I had to get out there, and finding you was the first thing I thought of.”

He was quiet for a long moment and then glanced at the mantle clock. Kathryn watched and waited for the imparting of the inevitable words of wisdom but all he said was. “Have you finished your coffee?”

Kathryn quickly looked into her mug and nodded.

“Okay, well up out of there, I want to show you something.”

Putting her cup down on the side table, she tried to hoist herself out of the deep cushioning but couldn’t.  She laughed, “That’s easier said than done. Ready to request that emergency beam out?”

Grinning, Chakotay extended his hand and pulled her to her feet. They finished up mere inches from one another and for one terrifyingly wonderful moment, Kathryn thought that he might kiss her but instead, he smiled and tucked her hand into the crook of his arm. “Now it’s time for some perspective.”

Kathryn allowed herself to be pulled along. “Perspective? Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise and somewhere I’m almost certain you’ve never been.”

They grabbed their coats and with her arm looped comfortably through his, they exited the house and headed down the hill towards the transporter terminal.

Neither of them spoke as they walked.

They didn’t need to.

Kathryn was enjoying the closeness and spent an indulgent few minutes imagining that this was how they’d always been. It was a pleasant fantasy but when she glanced at her companion, she noted his serious look. There was a determined set to his jaw and a tightness around his eyes that spoke of his concern. It no doubt involved her and she wished that they could finally clear the air between them. The problem was, after so many years of avoiding the subject, how did one go about bringing up the huge, galumphing elephant in the room that was their unspoken feelings for one another with any sort of finesse?

Arriving at the terminal, Kathryn reluctantly slid her arm from Chakotay’s as he input the co-ordinates of their destination. She didn’t recognise them and sent a puzzled look his way. “Are you going to tell me where we’re headed?”

“It wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you.” He walked over to a vending machine and retrieved two bottles of water then ushered Kathryn onto the transporter pad saying enigmatically, “We don’t want to miss it.”

He was being deliberately obtuse and Kathryn gave him a peeved look. “Miss what?”

Before he could answer her, the transporter activated and they rematerialised on a barren rocky outcrop in the middle of a vast plain.

Stepping behind her, he gripped her shoulders and turned her ninety degrees as he whispered quietly in her ear, “That!”

Kathryn’s sipped a surprised breath. The view was as astonishing as it was beautiful. Wherever they were, they’d arrived at sunset and the red fiery ball of the sun was melting into the horizon, spreading across Earth’s distant curvature like liquid fire. Various shades of pink, orange, purple and red drenched the scattered clouds and the garish palette was reflected across the shimmering landscape. The ground seemed to mirror the colours and Kathryn turned a slow full circle to take in the spectacular and seemingly endless vista.

In a hushed whisper, she exclaimed, “Chakotay, it’s beautiful.”

She had no idea where they were. The landscape was harsh and austere; however, drenched in the sunset’s gaudy palette, it was breathtaking in its starkness.

The massive boulders of granite on which they stood, rose from the desert floor as if from nowhere and growing in amongst them, casting their eerie silhouettes against the golden sky, were the gnarled and bloated trunks of baobab trees.

Chakotay looked down at her and smiled. “What do you think?”

“I’m speechless. Where are we?”

“Botswana and this is Kubu Island in the centre of the Makgadikgadi saltpans. We’re in the middle of what was once – tens of thousands of years ago – a vast inland sea, where humanity’s earliest ancestors thrived. The sea is long gone and the saltpan that surrounds us is the largest one on Earth. There is nothing to see but horizon in every direction.”

“I’ve never even heard of this place.”

“Neither had I until I came here. But since finishing my debriefings, I’ve been doing a little exploring.”

“So it seems. Can I ask why?”

Chakotay shrugged and took her hand, answering her question as he led her up a narrow path towards the summit of the granite outcrop. “I was restless. I think coming to such an abrupt standstill after seven years of constantly being on the move threw my inertial dampeners off kilter. I felt as though I needed to maintain some momentum and slow down at a more gradual pace.” He stopped and looked down at her. “Does that make any sense?”

Kathryn nodded her head. “God, yes! In fact it’s the first time I’ve heard anything that comes close to the way I feel.”

He shifted his grip on her hand, weaving his fingers through hers and giving them a squeeze. His voice softened. “I knew you’d understand.”

He was quiet for a moment and Kathryn watched him as he cast his eyes across the horizon before he turned to her again. “We saw things in the Delta Quadrant that defied belief and our world outside of Voyager’s bulkheads was so vast and expansive that I found it hard to imagine living within the limited confines of a single planet. I began to feel claustrophobic so I decided to broaden my horizons. Not out there…” He gestured towards the darkening sky. “I’ve had enough of space, but here on Earth; in my own backyard.”

Kathryn smiled. “I haven’t seen any backyards that look quite like this.”

He chuckled. “No, and that’s why I bought you here.” His look was intense as he turned towards her and urged, “Remember when we landed on the planet where we found Amelia Earhart and the other humans and we talked about what we missed most about Earth?” She nodded and he continued. “I mentioned sunrises in the Arizona desert and swimming in the Gulf of Mexico. Well, since I’ve been back, I’ve done those things and more, and it’s been wonderful. I feel as if I’ve come to know this planet in here,” He pressed his fist into his chest, “and I’ve made a connection of sorts. Trebus is gone and although I wasn’t born on Earth, my ancestors are from here and this is the closest thing I have to a home. I needed to feel as though I belonged.” He frowned as he tried to rein in his thoughts. “I had a strong sense of belonging on Voyager and losing that was difficult but I now feel as though I’m finding my place here.”

Her heart warmed at his enthusiasm and she was pleased for him. It gave her hope of finding a similar sense of peace. It also answered a question that had been plaguing her. “So you have no plans to leave Earth?”

He looked surprised. “No. There’s nowhere else for me to go and everyone I love is here.”

A sweet pang of something speared through Kathryn’s middle and she swallowed painfully as she looked away from him. “I’m glad. So very glad.” She hadn’t realised how worried she’d been about that eventuality and her relief was heartfelt. With it, another weight lifted from her overburdened shoulders.

She was silent for a long time as her gaze drifted over the landscape. Darkness was drawing in and with the fading light, she found it easier to speak from her heart. She whispered quietly, “I feel a little lost out here – small and insignificant.”

The sun had sunk beyond the horizon and its last rays were fading. Chakotay’s face was mostly in shadow but as she looked back towards him, she could still see his smile. His voice was warm and comforting. Again, he knew exactly what to say. “It’s humbling isn’t it? After all that we’ve seen and everything we’ve experienced; so much of it larger than life while encapsulated within Voyager’s safe, solid walls; it’s a liberating to feel as exposed as this, to see yourself as part of nature and the universe. As insignificant as it makes you feel, it’s also heartening to know that in all the vastness of space and beyond, each one of us is unique. There is something ultimately reassuring about that.”

Kathryn smiled warmly and squeezed his hand. “You’re certainly one of a kind, my friend.”

She heard the gentle rumble of his laugh and it soothed her.

He let go of her hand and draped his arm around her shoulder. It was done so simply, with a quiet assurance that spoke to Kathryn’s heart. She found herself pressed up against his side, hip to hip, her head tucked against his shoulder and it felt so very right.

She looked up at the darkening sky towards the swathe of stars emerging from the grey-blue expanse. Taking a deep breath, she let his words sink deeper into her consciousness. He was right; it was humbling but also reassuring in the simplest of ways and it made her realise just how special their bond was. In the entire universe, she’d found the one person who was her equal, the soul that completed her and as these thoughts wove their magic through her mind, in a strange way, it all started to make sense. A weight began to lift and she felt a freedom of spirit that she hadn’t felt in years. Her impulsive decision to come and see him today had been the first giant step in the right direction and had evolved into this wonderful new outlook on life.

With her eyes still on the stars, she spoke quietly. “Thank you, for bringing me here. You were right about perspective. I do feel better – more grounded.”

“Good.” He handed her a bottle of water before pointing along the outcrop a little further. “Come over here and we’ll sit and watch the stars for a while. You can bone up on your Alpha Quadrant astronomy.”

“You’re not going to quiz me, are you? I’ve answered more than enough questions over the last few weeks.”

He laughed. “No, but I bet I can spot more constellations than you.”

“Oh really. We’ll see about that.”

Her shoulder felt cool and exposed when he lifted his arm away from her as together they found a comfortable ledge on which to sit. Leaning back, Kathryn smiled to herself as he once again draped his arm around her and tucked her up against him. They talked and laughed as they pointed out the familiar constellations and star clusters. Kathryn called it a tie when Chakotay began making up names and stars.

She dug her elbow into his ribs and playfully chided. “I didn’t know you were such a cheat.”

He chortled and spontaneously kissed the top of her head.

Kathryn stilled. There would never be a better time. “Chakotay?”

“Hmmm.”

“Part of the reason I came to see you today was to tell you something.”

“I thought so.”

“Initially, it was to see how the land lay – so to speak – but it still needs to be said.”

He took a swig of his water then turned to her. “Can you tell me now? Or would you like me to go first?”

“You don’t know what I’m going to say.”

“I think I do.”

His face was barely discernible in the darkness but Kathryn didn’t need to see it. His features were indelibly imprinted on her mind; she knew them almost as well as her own.

He was watching her though; she could feel his gaze and the intensity of it caused her cheeks to warm.

It was time and she took a deep breath.

Chakotay leaned close, his cheek brushing lightly against hers. As she spoke, he did too, his warm breath whispering past her ear as in unison they uttered the long awaited words.

“I love you.”

Kathryn pulled back and stared.

Chakotay chuckled quietly. “See, I told you I knew what you were going to say.”

“Obviously.” She took a moment to let the words settle then heaved a sigh. “I should have jinxed you, but I’m glad I’ve said it at last.”

“Really? It’s out of the way now, like a visit to the dentist, hmm?”

“Not quite the analogy I had in mind but close enough. It’s been weighing on my mind for some time.”

“How long?”

“Close to seven years.”

He nodded. “Jinx again.”

Kathryn huffed and then chuckled. “I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that you knew.”

“I’ve always known but it wasn’t until I saw you this morning that I knew you were there to tell me.”

She raised her eyebrows in question. “And just how did you know?”

She could hear the smile in his voice as he stroked the back of his fingers down her cheek. “I’ve sat next to you almost every day for the last seven years there’s very little you can hide from me.”

She smiled. “You know me better than anyone, except perhaps my mother.”

“Does she know how we feel about each other?”

“She knew the moment she saw us together.”

“A lot of people do it seems.”

“It looks as though the only ones we fooled were ourselves. I’m feeling pretty stupid right about now.”

“Well, at least we can feel stupid together – just another thing we have in common.”

Kathryn could hear the joy in his voice, and reached up and touched his cheek before letting her fingers drift across his lips. His breath – warm and moist – whispered past her fingertips and she closed her eyes, seeing vividly in her mind’s eye the path her hand was taking. Before she truly registered what she was doing, her hand slid behind his neck and she pulled him towards her.

His lips hovered millimetres from hers, their breaths mingling for several heart-pounding moments before they met.

His lips were surprisingly soft and warm as they pressed against hers and it was easy to lose herself in the sensations. With her eyes closed and the blanketing darkness surrounding them, all Kathryn’s senses spiralled down to focus on the touch of his lips and the feel of his hands and body against hers. His arm tightened around her as he dragged her closer.

She was draped across his chest, their mouths moving together as his fingertips pressed and stroked over her shoulders and back, and his achingly familiar scent carried with it memories and moments of their many years as dear friends, all bathed in the glorious knowledge that they could at last be together. With a moan, her mouth opened under his.

Kathryn’s body jolted as their tongues met and she clambered closer, straddling his lap. It had been so long and she’d wanted this for so many years but had held herself in tight check, never even allowing herself the luxury of imagining what it would be like to be with him. His taste, the feel of him under her hands, the heady sensation of his lips upon hers – it was all so wonderful that she didn’t want it to end.

They kissed for what seemed like forever, pulling apart every so often to breathe and change angles before drawing together again, mouths open, lips soft and searching, each kiss deeper and more beautiful than the last. The ache of want sat hot and heavy in her belly and she rocked against him as he boldly pulled her closer, the hard ridge of his arousal pressing against her sex. She moaned again and shuddered. The temptation to bring herself to orgasm was almost irresistible but this wasn’t how she wanted their first time to be – a breathless rush to completion. Her whole body was shivering with need and it wouldn’t take much to tip her over the edge but she dragged herself back from the brink and sighed into his mouth before easing away from him. She rested her forehead on his chin and breathing shakily, she whispered, “Ohhh my, I’ve ….umm, oh, that was…” The taut hum of arousal made it difficult to string a coherent sentence together but she hoped he would get the gist what she was trying to say.

It appeared that he did. He kissed her forehead, then ducked lower to kiss her neck, his bristled cheek brushing against her smooth one, sending another cascade of tremors down her spine. “…pretty close to perfect.”

Her head dropped back to encourage him to explore. She chuckled quietly. “Only _close_?”

“We have to have something to strive for.”

“Excellent strategy, Commander.” Kathryn smiled, then shivered this time from the chilled air. The temperature had dropped now that the desert night was truly upon them.

“Are you cold?”

“A little.”

He rubbed his hands up and down her arms and tugged her closer. “We probably should head home.”

Kathryn sighed. “It feels like we’re the only two people on Earth – our own little world in the darkness.”

He kissed the top of her head and weaving his fingers through her hair, he added, “It’ll soon be a freezing world. I’d suggest starting a fire but you probably want to keep your hair.”

Kathryn chuckled. “That’s very gallant of you.”

Heaving a satisfied sigh, Chakotay got to his feet and pulled Kathryn up with him. He fished a transporter disc from his pocket. “Time to go?”

Kathryn surveyed their surroundings one last time and although the stars were bright in the sky, all around them was inky black – a deep impenetrable darkness that seemed almost solid. She nodded. “Yes, time to go but I’d like to come back here one day.”

“That I can promise.”

Chakotay pulled Kathryn close against him and tapped the transporter disc.

The glaring lights of the transporter station replaced the darkness and Kathryn squinted and shielded her eyes as they stepped down from the pad. They disposed of their empty water bottles and, arm in arm, made their way up the hill to the stone cottage that was Chakotay’s home.

It was now early afternoon in San Francisco and since they’d been gone, heavy clouds had rolled in over the bay and the day had cooled.

Chakotay lit a fire in the living room and once the flames were crackling happily in the hearth, he turned to Kathryn and pulled her into his arms. “I’m famished and you must be too. We’ve more than missed lunch but I have some vegetable lasagne I could quickly heat up.”

“Thank you. I’d love some. Can I help?”

He eyed her suspiciously. “Now you’re testing me.”

Kathryn smacked his shoulder and he grinned at her.

She shrugged. “You’re on your own then. I’m going to replicate a bottle of wine, pour myself a glass and sink into that monstrous chair while you do all the work.”

“Ahhh, just like old times.”

Her jaw dropped in shock but before she could utter a word of indignation, he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her until she couldn’t think, let alone speak.

She mumbled, “You’ll keep.” before he pecked her lips one last time, took a deep breath and headed toward the kitchen.

A shiver trickled down her spine and she backed towards the fireplace, not that she was cold anymore, far from it but it was the only thing she could think to do to stop herself from chasing after him, tackling him to the floor and having her very un-captain-like way with him right there in the hall. Decorum was fast becoming a lost art where thoughts of her former first officer were concerned but it was all so new and she needed to step back and analyse what had happened today with an objective eye.

The trouble was, along with decorum, her objectivity was also proving to be somewhat elusive.

He loved her and had for years – her heart thudded wildly at the thought. She was so relieved but a small part of her was also deeply disappointed. All those years wasted. All that time spent as friends when they could have been lovers – it all seemed so foolish in retrospect. Damned hindsight and all its clarity. She had been afraid for her command or rather her ability to command if they had been lovers, but she knew now that he would never have allowed her compromise her captaincy. What he would have been was the buffer between her and her self-destructive tendencies, and for a moment, she hated herself for ever doubting him.

Just as those thoughts flitted through her mind, he re-entered the room carrying two steaming plates of food. He stopped inside the door and frowned. “Don’t Kathryn.”

She straightened and stared at him. “Don’t what?”

“Don’t second guess yourself and no regrets. We both did the best we could under the circumstances and if we had our time over again, things would be no different. It was how it was meant to be.”

“Really?” She moved towards him; it was typical that he would be able to read her mind like that. “ _I_ think that if I had my time over again, it would be very different.”

“In that case, we may not be here having _this_ moment and looking forward to _this_ future. I have to believe that things happen for a reason.”

Emotion welled in her chest and she ran her hands down her front in an effort to quell the rush of regret. Looking at him, she gave him a sad smile. “I want to believe you but I know what’s in my heart and that it’s been there for a long time.” Despite his warning, remorse and disappointment surged to the surface. “I’m so sorry.”

Shaking his head, Chakotay placed the plates on the table and moved towards her. His voice was gentle but firm. “Don’t do this, please.” He held her by her shoulders, his look positively stern. “No regrets, Kathryn. This is the happiest day of my life and I’d like to think that it is for you too – a reward for all that we endured. I don’t want it marred by sadness or regret. Come on, you’re tired and hungry; you’ve just finished debriefings and are still coming to terms with the reality of life away from Voyager. Now isn’t the time to start analysing or questioning what’s happening. Just let it be and accept it for what it is.”

She gave a quiet laugh and wrapped her arms around him. “You’re right, as usual.”

“Of course, I am.”

Kathryn leaned back in his arms and gave him a wry look. “And so humble.”

He grinned. “If the shoe fits… Look, I just want you to be as happy about this as I am. I don’t regret a moment of our time together. We’ve lived a lifetime and a half already and what’s more, we survived. The rest of it should be easy.”

“You think so?”

“Well, _easier_. For a start, we’ll be living here on Earth and not in the vastness of unknown space a half a galaxy away from home. That has to have its advantages.”

Kathryn nodded. “True.”

He began to loosen his hold. “Can I trust you not to overanalyse too much while we eat?”

“I’ll try, but I’m not promising anything.” She glanced over at the table. “It smells delicious, by the way.”

His brow creased for a moment but then he smiled. “It doesn’t taste too bad either, even if I do say so myself. But there’s just one last thing before we eat.”

Kathryn’s eyebrows rose in question.

Chakotay pulled her into his arms again and kissed her soundly before enlightening her. “I think I’ve found a solution to your house hunting problem.”

She had an inkling of what was coming and was delighted at the prospect. “A solution?”

“Uh-huh. Move in here with me.”

Kathryn didn’t even pretend to think about it. He wanted her to stop analysing and second-guessing herself, then so be it. She went with her heart and nodded. “I’d love to.”

Chakotay looked mildly surprised but quickly recovered and grinned. “Excellent. That’s the Kathryn Janeway I know and love – decisive and forthright.”

“I just hope you’re as thrilled when I start rearranging the furniture and moving your knickknacks.”

“I’ll try to be tolerant.” He guided her towards the table.

“You’ve had plenty of practice.”

“You weren’t so bad.”

“ _I had an instruction manual, for god’s sake!_ That’s hardly a ringing endorsement for ‘easy going’.”

He held her chair and as she sat, he bent down and whispered in her ear. “Nothing’s worth having if you don’t have to put a little bit of effort into it.”

She glanced over her shoulder, her eyes following him as he moved around the table and took his seat. “Nice recovery, Commander.”

He grinned. “Eat your lunch, Kathryn and then we’ll see about moving your things over from quarters.”

Her brow quirked. “Some of us have gotten a tad bossy since hanging up their commissions.”

“Well, I can’t be court martialled _and_ I do have coffee ice cream for dessert. I figure I can always bribe my way out of trouble if things look dicey.”

Kathryn pretended to think about it for a moment, then shrugged. “Graft and corruption.” She flashed him a grin. “Works for me.”

Chakotay took a mouthful of food and returned the smile. “I had a feeling it would; I learned from the best.”

Kathryn grinned back at him and then pointed to the food with her fork. “Mmmm, this is lovely. I was hungrier than I thought.”

“It’s good to see you with an appetite. The Alpha Quadrant has done that much at least.”

Kathryn smiled wryly. “It didn’t at first. Everything tasted a little odd and it took me a while to figure out why.”

Chakotay raised his eyebrows in question.

“I’d become so used to the tang of leola root in everything; it took my tastebuds weeks to acclimatise. I was almost a little sad when they did.”

He frowned and looked puzzled. “Sad?”

“It was another part of my life on Voyager that I’d relinquished – it also made me think of Neelix and his unique brand of gastronomic delights – I miss him.”

This baring of her soul was something new for Kathryn but it was getting easier as the day wore on. It felt good to have this all out in the open with someone who understood both her and the situation.

He nodded. “I miss him too but my stomach is grateful that it doesn’t have to be a party to his culinary adventures.”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m more than happy that I don’t have to eat that ghastly root – god forbid.”  She screwed up her nose in distaste. “But I think in my isolation, I felt as though the substance of our experience – the essence of what held us together – was disintegrating. It doesn’t really make a lot of sense when you say it out loud but I suppose that’s why talking about it is so important. To paraphrase – perspective is the key.” She gave a slightly embarrassed shrug.

“Don’t apologise for what you feel. Want to hear something really strange?”

Kathryn nodded and leant forward a little more.

“One night, I was sitting here staring out the window, missing everyone and thinking about all those evenings of crew get-togethers on Voyager. I was suddenly filled with a deep regret that I’d never performed at one of the Talent Nights.”

Kathryn looked surprised. “But…?”

“Yes, I know. My ability to avoid them was legendary and if faced with one tomorrow, there’s no way in the known universe you’d get me up on stage but in that moment of introspection, I was consumed by regret.” He shrugged again. “What I’m saying is, that there’s no right way or wrong way to grieve the loss of Voyager, the crew, the mission or any part of what we experienced. We just have to go at our own pace and support one another. Time will see us through it and we’ll eventually get used to this new life.”

It was sage advice and Kathryn reached across the table and rested her hand over his.

“You’re a wise man, Commander. Thank you.”

“I could also throw a few leola seeds into the garden for old time’s sake and every now and then we could reminisce.”

She met his eyes, screwing up her nose again before her look softened and she suggested, “Talaxian tomatoes might be a better option. At least they’re edible and they’re also associated with some of my fondest memories from our time in the Delta Quadrant.”

He was quiet for a few heartbeats; his eyes became distant as he remembered. Returning to the present, he nodded and smiled, “Okay, Talaxian tomatoes it is.”

“We’ll be able to tell Neelix about them too. Word is that Lieutenant Barclay and the team over at Pathfinder are going to realign the array and try to contact the Talaxian colony. We’ll be able to get word to him that we’re home. He must be wondering where we are.”

“He knew about the Admiral’s plan and knowing Neelix, I’m sure he’ll have assumed that we made it.”

Smiling, Kathryn nodded. “You’re probably right, but it’ll still be good to make contact.” She ate for a few minutes before musing, “It’s very strange, but in some ways our experiences in the Delta Quadrant feel like they happened eons ago, they’ve taken on an almost dreamlike quality – almost as though they happened to someone else. But then, something will trigger a memory and it will be as vivid as the day it happened.”

Chakotay placed his fork on his plate and wiped his mouth, dropping the napkin on the table. “I imagine that’s a pretty normal reaction after such an intense and life-changing experience but adapting to change is one of your strengths.”

Kathryn nodded slowly and followed suit, dabbing her lips with the napkin before placing it on the table next to her empty plate. She shrugged. “To be honest, I’ve had enough change to last me a lifetime. A bit of consistency will be a relief.”

“How much leave do you have?”

“As much as I’d like but the counsellors have suggested I give myself at least six months to get my Earth ‘legs’ back and although I initially thought that it would be too long, I’m re-evaluating.” She pushed her plate away and set her elbows on the table, her chin resting on the bridge of her interwoven fingers. Leaning forward, she smiled warmly. “With all the places I intend to visit, six months may not be enough.”

He grinned. “That’s the spirit. So, any ideas where you’d like to go first?”

Her smile brightened. “No, not really but I thought we could sit down together and make a list. What do you think?”

“Great, but first we have to get your things from your apartment and let headquarters know you’re moving out.”

“Are you sure about this, Chakotay? I don’t want you to feel you have to take care of me simply because I’m a little wobbly on my feet.”

“Kathryn Janeway needing someone to take care of her – are you sure we’re not in some alternate reality?”

She glowered at him. “All right, point taken but I had to ask. You’d have done the same.”

“I have an ulterior motive, of course.”

“Really, and what might that be?”

He leaned forward, his gruff voice rumbling through her. “It’s a cunning ploy to get you into my bed.”

Arousal pumped through her with the suggestion and with it came a barrage of images. To stop herself from squirming, she waved her hand flippantly. “You didn’t have to go to so much trouble.” Her eyes flashed heatedly. “I was a sure bet.”

His chuckled happily. “This arrangement is simpler, now you don’t have to go home in the morning.”

“Always the pragmatist. It’s nice to know that some things never change.”

“Some things never do – I’ve loved you from the day I met you and always will.”

Kathryn took a deep breath, her heart swelled at his admission. “You don’t know how good it is to hear that. I love you too, so very much.”

He stood and took her hand, pulling her from her chair, gallantly kissing her fingers as he did so.

She stepped into his arms and pulled his face down for a kiss. Sighing happily, as she pulled away and rested her head against his shoulder, she breathed deeply of his scent. “I could get very used to being able to do that.”

“You’re welcome to avail yourself whenever the urge takes you.”

“You’re such an accommodating man. Thank you.”

“Anything to keep my roomie happy.”

“Your ‘roomie’?” Kathryn chuckled, cupping his cheek lovingly as she did so. “That’s an interesting description.”

“Live in lover, life partner… spouse?”

Kathryn’s eyes widened. “Spouse?” She blinked before asking, “Was that a…?”

He looked almost as surprised as she did but his eyes brightened and he went with it. “A proposal? I suppose it is.” Followed by a more decisive, “Why the hell not.”

“You don’t have to, you know.” Her mouth twisted into a wry grin. “I would have slept with you anyway.”

He burst out laughing. “Straight from hip, no wonder I love you.” He leaned a little closer. “Will you marry me, Kathryn? You don’t have to answer now. There’s plenty of time.”

“Like hell there is! How many times have we said that and suddenly had to face some horrible, life-changing turn of events. So, the answer is a resounding _yes_ – before anything can come along and spoil it.”

Chakotay stared and when he didn’t react, Kathryn repeated her answer. “Yes, I’ll marry you and for god’s sake, let’s do it quickly; I have an atrocious record with fiancés.”

He barked a laugh and hauled her into his arms. “Kathryn Janeway, don’t you dare change – ever.”

“That’s not likely to happen. So, are we going to do it?”

He grinned. “Absolutely – I’m not letting you off the hook this time.”

Filled with renewed purpose, Kathryn glanced around the room. “Do you have a comm. terminal?”

He pointed to a bureau by the window and after rolling back the top, he opened the unit and indicated with a sweeping gesture that it was all hers.

“Thank you.” She sat down and keyed in the address.

A moment later, Owen Paris was smiling at her from behind his desk at headquarters. “Kathryn, what a lovely surprise. How are you enjoying your leave?”

“Very much, Owen. Very much indeed. So much in fact, I have a favour to ask of you.”

“Shoot.”

“I’d like you to marry Chakotay and me. Today.”

“Today?”

“Yes, today; if you can squeeze it into your schedule. Someone from your office can witness the vows; it’s fairly straightforward.”

He blinked a couple of times quickly then huffed a laugh. “I take it the Commander knows about this.”

Kathryn shook her head. “No, no, I thought I’d just beam him in and surprise him.”

Owen looked like he might fall off his chair. “ _Kath…_ ”

She laughed and grabbing Chakotay’s arm pulled him into the viewer’s line of sight.

Chakotay grinned at the look of relief on the Admiral’s face.

Kathryn was still smiling. “Don’t worry, Owen, I haven’t completely lost my mind. Chakotay asked and I’ve accepted. Very traditional, don’t you think?”

“For you, yes. Have you told your mother?”

“Not yet – I’m not _that_ traditional – but I will.” She opened her hands in a questioning gesture. “Do I have your blessing Owen and can we prevail upon you to officiate?”

“Of course, Katie. I’m very happy for you. And you too, Chakotay.”

Chakotay ducked his head next to Kathryn’s again. “Thank you, sir. Not as happy as I am, I’d wager.”

Owen chuckled. “No doubt and there’ll be a lot of people running a close second.” He glanced to his left. “Give me an hour to get the paperwork in order and then beam over to my office.”

“Thank you, Owen. Actually, can we make it two, there’s something I have to see to first.”

Smiling, he nodded. “Take your time. I’ll be here.”

“Thank you, Owen. See you soon.”

The screen went black and Kathryn turned towards Chakotay. “Too fast?”

He shook his head. “No. A seven-year courtship seems more than adequate. Did you want to contact your mother?”

She stood up and nestled into his embrace. “No, I’ll leave that to Owen. I can almost hear the subspace crackle as comm. units light up all over the Federation. I imagine Tom and B’Elanna will invite themselves and God knows who else. Is that okay with you?”

“They can drag strangers off the street for all I care; as long as _you’re_ there. Besides, the crew have to find out somehow and Voyager’s ‘town crier’ is the obvious choice. Having Tom announce it to the world saves us the trouble.”

“You’re not just a pretty face, Commander.”

He grinned. “Now we’d better get organised. What did you need to ‘see to’? A dress, a bouquet?”

Kathryn shook her head slowly and looked up at him, her fingers suddenly busy with the buttons of his shirt. “No, I don’t need a bouquet.” Pulling his shirt apart, she kissed the warm skin over his heart, her hands stroking over his chest, before snaking their way up to his neck. “Or a dress.” Cupping his face between her hands, she drifted closer until her lips were mere breath away from his and she whispered, “I need…”

Her mouth landed on his swallowing the specifics but she felt she got her message across satisfactorily. Two heartbeats later, Chakotay swept her into his arms and carried her upstairs to his bedroom.  
****

Lying draped across Chakotay’s chest fourteen hours, one wedding and an impromptu reception later, Kathryn heaved a very satisfied sigh. “I’m definitely going to make a point of following my instincts more often. Who would have thought when I knocked on your door yesterday morning that we’d find ourselves here?” She dragged her fingernails lightly across his naked chest, watching in rapt delight as his skin pimpled into gooseflesh through the thin sheen of perspiration.

He shivered and although they’d just made love, she could feel him stirring against her thigh. She looked into his eyes and raised her eyebrows. “Already?”

Chakotay chuckled and shrugged. “I’ve been saving up for years.”

A familiar twinge of guilt needled her but she refused to taint this special time with her regrets from the past. Nothing she could do now would change anything and, as Chakotay had said, if things had been different, they might not have ended up here – and _here_ was precisely where she wanted to be.

Ignoring the negative thoughts, she smiled, her lips nuzzling the soft skin of his neck. “No complaints here.”

She needed to get closer to him and slid over his front until she was stretched along the length of his body. Crossing her arms on his chest, she rested her chin on her folded hands. In the post coital quiet, she studied his face. So wonderfully familiar, but now that they were lovers and she could study him more intently, there were subtle but noticeable changes – a softening of the tension around his eyes and forehead, and the beginnings of a smile teasing at the corner of his lips. She wondered idly, if she looked different too.

It had been a momentous day – life changing in so many ways – but a day that they’d been working their way towards for years. Looking back it seemed inevitable that they would end up together but circumstances and many of her decisions had almost made it impossible. But there was no point dwelling on any of that either, there was far too much life to be lived to keep harking back to the mistakes she’d made.

The past was what it was and there it would stay. The future belonged to them and it was looking brighter and brighter by the minute.

His gruff voice brought her back to the present. “Where are you?”

Kathryn smiled and met his gaze, letting her head fall into his hand as he stroked his fingers through her hair and caressed her cheek.

“Just thinking about life, love, the universe and how lucky I am.”

“How lucky we both are. I consider myself the luckiest man alive.”

“No pressure, huh?”

He chuckled. “None whatsoever.”

“I hope you realise that it’s not always going to be, rainbows, moonbeams and lollypops, there will be times when I’ll be my stubborn self; we’ll have differences of opinions and arguments. As much as I love you, I’m still me – _with my instruction manual_ – and as you know, I’m no bed of roses.”

“I’m counting on it.”

“You are? You’re a glutton for punishment.”

“No, I’m just looking forward to the makeup sex.”

“Ahhh, I forgot; you’re the pragmatist.” She slithered a little lower, pressing herself against him and wriggling suggestively, one eyebrow raised as a wicked grin lit her face.

He sucked in a gasping breath and exhaled between pursed lips. “Call me whatever you like but just know that every time I touch you, I want you more than you can possibly imagine – every single time.” He followed his words with long sensual strokes down her back and sides.

Kathryn trembled; she had never heard anything quite so arousing in her life and as if to further emphasise his statement, his arms tightened around her. One hand splayed across her lower back, pulling her tight against him, the other hand traced along her backbone before toying with the sensitive skin at the nape of her neck. His pelvis rocked against her and she could see his eyes darken, a look that made her chest contract and her heart pound. She would never tire of seeing him like this and knowing that she was the reason for it.

Her need began to throb steadily as her inner muscles tightened. She wanted him and with a tilt of her hips, he slid inside her.

They both stilled, eyes riveted to one another as they drank in the heady moment of their joining.

For Kathryn the sensation of fullness was almost overwhelming – full of love, of need, of wonder, of him. She took a deep shuddering breath but unable to stop herself, her hips began to undulate, drawing him deeper.

They rocked together, gently at first, their grinding rhythm building as they spiralled towards orgasm. His hands held her hips firmly, maintaining the rhythm as she manipulated the angle and depth of his thrusts. He came first and she swallowed his moan, her lips slamming onto his as his body arched and jolted, and she followed a moment later, her mouth tearing away from his as she gasped, her fingers gripping his shoulders, their pulsing bodies drenched and deeply sated.

Exhausted, she laid her head on his chest, the steady beat of his heart thudding against her cheek as she drifted towards slumber. The rumble of his voice was the last thing she heard before sleep took her.

“I love you.”

* * *

Kathryn rolled over, her arm reaching across the bed only to find it empty. She stretched and checked the time – 1117. She’d overslept but it was hardly a surprise; sleep hadn’t been high on the agenda the previous night. The thought made her smile.

Taking a deep breath, she picked up the distinctive aroma of freshly brewed coffee and at the same time, heard Chakotay’s footsteps on the stairs. The bedroom door swung open and he entered carrying a tray with a gloriously full carafe of coffee and various other breakfast essentials.

She smiled and eased herself into sitting position, her back propped against pillows.

He placed the tray on the middle of the bed as he sat on the edge and leaned across to kiss her. “Good morning, did you sleep well?”

“No, isn’t it wonderful?”

He grinned. “I didn’t either and I agree but I figure we can live without sleep but we won’t be able to keep up with our non-sleeping activities if we don’t have some sustenance. Hungry?”

“Mmmm.” Kathryn nodded as she reached for a coffee, snatching it from his hand almost before he’d finished pouring it.

“Patience woman.” He huffed and smiled. “Have some toast or Danish at least.”

“I will. Later.”

“You know that coffee is not a food group, Kathryn.”

“I’m sure it is somewhere in the universe and I’m going with that.” She took a sip, her eyes closing in rapt delight as the bitter brew slid over her tongue and warmed her all the way to her toes. “Ahhhh, that is so good.”

He leant forward, kissed the taste of coffee from her lips and then smiled. “At least now I can watch you do that without having to leave the room.”

She frowned, puzzled for a moment before she grasped what he was saying. “Oh! Ohh.” She laughed. “I wondered why you always insisted that we sit down when we were having coffee in the Ready Room.”

Chakotay chuckled and tugged at his ear. “Well, now you know.”

Leaning forward, causing the tray to tip precariously, she kissed him. “Thank you.”

“For what?” He lifted the tray and put it on the floor beside the bed before sliding under the covers with her.

“For loving me, in spite of everything.”

“I could say the same thing.”

She nodded, “Yes, you could.” And then grinned at the look on his face.

His smile broadened. “A toast.” Kathryn raised an eyebrow and pointed to their breakfast tray. He laughed and shook his head. “Not that sort of toast.”

She huffed a laugh and raised her coffee mug.

He lifted his orange juice. “To us and the winding road that is our future.”

“To us, the future and wherever it may lead us.”

They tapped their mug and glass together before they sipped. Kathryn watched her husband over the rim of her cup, her heart filled to bursting. His eyes met hers and his face broke into a broad smile – the same one that had warmed her heart and softened the blow of so many difficult moments during their years as Captain and Commander. No words were needed – their looks said it all – and with a sigh of contentment, she reached for his hand, weaving her fingers through his and held on tight.

Fin

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Note: I have to give credit to the English motoring programme, ‘Top Gear’ for enlightening me as to the existence of the saltpans of Botswana. Growing up with four brothers and now with a husband and three sons of my own, I tend to see a lot of motoring, cricket, football and generally male-orientated television. In this particular episode of ‘Top Gear’ aired in 2008 (an indication of how long this story has been sitting in my unfinished folder), the ‘Top Gear’ crew were in Africa. The challenge was to drive across a vast saltpan stopping halfway at this extraordinary place called Kubu Island. I was fascinated and happened to be writing this particular story at the time so, not wanting to waste a unique and amazing location, the narrative conveniently swallowed it up. Thanks for reading. Cheers, elem


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